Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You need a sexual gate keeper
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
