Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Semen is not good for contacts.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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