i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
3 2 1 whiskey
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
