My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize