I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
