my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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