what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
