Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
