Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
