I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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