Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
