Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
