we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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