I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
