he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
