come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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