i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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