just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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