Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
