Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
