I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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