Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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