I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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