Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
