hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
