He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
