Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
