can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
