bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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