You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
