just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
