we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
