i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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