last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
