Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
