I will die if light touches me.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
