so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
