I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
