I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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