rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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