And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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