this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize