Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
