all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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