I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
