i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
