got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
