We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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