so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
