I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
