tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize