He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
