if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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