Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Everyone says I win the strip club
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
