I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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