I accidentally had phone sex last night
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
