I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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