i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
