So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
