I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
