Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
