Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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