what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
