people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize