eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
