She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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