i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
