Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
