sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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