dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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