i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
